We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize