If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
