The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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