i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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