I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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