need another drink. this is the easiest way
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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