the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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