did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
