I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
this hospital has no fireball
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
