I think I am morally bankrupt
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
