And the cops told us we were all naked.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
