he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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