Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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