pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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