My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
