Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize