At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize