I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
