Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
