God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
