Tell her she can't have a vagina
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
