Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
