Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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