This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
