Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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