i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
