dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
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Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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