yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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