Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
