i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
