as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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