2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
