Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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