Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
