a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
wanna go halves on a baby?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
