Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
