so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
