I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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