I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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