I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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