i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
