If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
