we made out on top of his cat.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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