Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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