He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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