When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize