As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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