Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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