At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
