You really coming over, don't trick.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
