I want to walk on stilts...naked
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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