I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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