He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
