Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
