I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
