Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
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So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
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You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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