I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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