Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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