If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
